The Divorce Was My Idea, Not God’s

” For the Lord God of Israel says, that He hates divorce, for it covers one’s garment with violence.” Says the Lord of hosts, “Therefore take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously.” Malachi 2:16 NKJV

Baby, I Can Wash My Own Car
“The divorce was my idea. After years of working on our marriage despite our differences, I felt at 34, it was time to let go despite the awful real-estate market, my lack of steady employment and the fact that there are certain things I have no idea how to do without my husbands help.” — How sad.

“Baby, I Can Wash My Own Car,” was the title of an essay in the ‘My Turn’ column of Newsweek, October 2007, authored by Rebecca Lovoie. This article deeply disturbed me, for it is an accurate reflection of how our society sees marriage and families. Her essay is not vindictive, just matter-of-fact.

This lady seems to still have a fond affection for her husband and has an appreciation for all the things he has done for her. In this essay, there is no mention of a violation of marriage vows–in fact, no mention of vows at all. In this article, there is no claim that the husband was untrue to her. There is no mention that the husband has been violent or ever misused her — only an indication of boredom and fatigue. She seems to feel that at age 34, it is time to make a change.

Her “husband agreed that divorce was inevitable.”

Divorce is not inevitable. I want to take strong exception to this thinking and to the values of our society today.

1. Vows are sacred and should never be broken without just cause.
In most marriage ceremonies there are definite promises made and there are vows witnessed by God and friends. These vows state that this union is for life. Over one-half of all couples today are breaking their word (lying) and not taking marriage seriously. In fact, a high percentage of these violators claim to be evangelical, ‘born again Christians.’

2. No couple should ever get married as a temporary solution to loneliness or to legalize physical passion.
God sees marriage as a union for life. A marriage that is entered into with the idea that it can easily be dissolved will be.

3. No couple is truly compatible.
“The Pharisees also came to Him, testing Him, and saying to Him, ‘Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for just any reason?'” Matthew 19:3 NKJV. One can always find a reason.

Differences will always be there. Men and women are different in every cell of their body. Differences in family values and backgrounds set the stage for differences in every marriage. Differences will be there for a lifetime and must continually be faced and worked on.

4. Children need the security of their own mother and father married and living with them.
I have heard couples complain that the only reason they stay married is for the children. Children are reason enough to work through the differences and stay married.

The author mentioned the “awful real-estate market” and a concern for “full-time employment,” but no concern about what this breakup will do to her two little boys. The only question the boys had was whether they would have Legos and peanut butter in their new home. Little did these little boys know the major changes which were coming into their lives.

Divorce at thirty-four years of age usually does not mean a single life for either of the two partners. Loneliness and passion usually bring another coupling–with the same problems and differences to work out. Another solemn marriage ceremony is conducted. New vows ‘for life’ are exchanged, and another blended family is formed.

Blended families are not a solution–they are just the foundation for another tragedy. Who is hurt the most? The children are. The parents work out visiting rights, and the children become pawns carried and sent back and forth. Every time I get on a plane, I see two or three little children placed in the hands of the airlines — given into the care of strangers to shuttle them to the non-custodial parent.

I have walked and talked with these little tragedies as their parents are ‘breaking up’. I remember well the little kindergarten girl who was speaking into the toy phone. She said, “No! You can’t have the kids. I said NO! You had them last week!”

I hate divorce because God hates divorce. No-fault divorce is America’s greatest tragedy. It is destroying our children, it is destroying our churches, it is destroying our schools and it is destroying America.

Evangelicals, stop putting away your wives: “from the beginning it was not so!”