Sacrificing Marital Intimacy for Financial Security

Drink waters out of thine own cistern, and running waters out of thine own well. Let thy fountains be dispersed abroad, and rivers of waters in the streets. Let them be only thine own, and not strangers’ with thee. Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love. And why wilt thou, my son, be ravished with a strange woman, and embrace the bosom of a stranger?   Proverbs 5:15-20

God’s plan is for the husband to face the world as the provider of his family. When bruised by the work world, he can look forward to coming home to the sanctuary of his castle and to his family. The keeper of the nest and the protector of the atmosphere of the home is the wife and mother. Genesis 3:17-19

The wife is the husband’s chief source of support and his main encourager. In marriage both partners meet the physical, sexual and emotional needs of each other.

As in Proverbs 31 the wife finds her fulfillment through the home and the children and through the success of her husband. His accomplishments are really due to the efforts of both of them.

Within this loving atmosphere, true support and true intimacy can develop. In this setting, the physical, emotional and spiritual needs of both can be met.

Women are not liberated by taking work outside the home, but rather they add more work on top of their homework. When she adds up the expenses of daycare, readymade foods, expensive cloths, and added transportation – she adds very little to the family income. God has promised that He would supply our needs – not our wants.

Mary and Bill attended an evangelical church. They were in love with each other and with their three small children. Things were good – except they never seemed to have enough money. What to do? Their only solution seemed to be for her to go out and take a job – but she did not want to leave the children with babysitters.

They decided that she would stay home during the day with the children while he worked – and she would get a night job, when he could be home with them.

Great idea – wrong!

She did get a job at the airport on a night shift and then the problems began. Soon they were ‘two ships passing in the night’. They rarely where sleeping together, so their intimate physical and sexual needs were not met. Rarely were they really talking to each other – except about the children and their work schedule. Both seemed to be always tired and so their emotional needs were not being met. They began to quarrel more and more.

At the airport, Mary’s supervisor was very kind and understanding. Even though he was older, she began to look forward to having lunch and coffee breaks with him. As they talked, she would express her anger and frustrations with her marriage and home situation.

One day, she suddenly said to him, “I believe that God placed you in my life to help me. I don’t know what I would do without you to talk to.” In return, he expressed his need also for her friendship.

About two weeks later, she asked her husband if she could take a short vacation – to California – to think. He wanted to go together – but she refused. Two weeks later, he got a letter saying she had made up her mind to leave him and to move in with her supervisor.

When one marriage partner becomes emotionally attached to the point of sharing the intimate problems in his or her marriage with a member of the opposite sex – watch out. Emotional attachment always comes before physical attachment. When physical and sexual needs are not met – watch out, for emotional starvation is not far behind. For the sake of financial security, a family is destroyed.

Today in most marriages, both spouses are out working and no one is making sure the home is a sanctuary – a nurturing atmosphere for the entire family. When both partners come home ‘stressed out’ to face an evening of housework and problems, there is no emotional energy left to nurture the wounded spirit of the other. Therefore, little misunderstandings go unresolved and both partners withdraw in their spirits.

When our emotional and physical needs are not met at home, there is a temptation to look for someone at work who will listen to us and who seems to understand us.

Sharing the intimate frustrations of ones’ marriage with a member of the opposite sex may lead to a physical illicit relationship. Emotional relationships lead, many times, to physical relationships. Coffee breaks shared with a caring stranger are not harmless. A touch on the hand and a friendly hug can easily turn into raging sexual affair.

With the majority of our Christian mothers and wives now in the job market, it is no wonder that twenty percent of our Christian marriages are on the verge of divorce.

With both married partners working, we may be meeting our financial needs of the home to the starvation of the intimate emotional needs of both.

Remember: “Life is more than meat, and the body is more than raiment.” Luke 12:23

Are you meeting the intimate emotional and physical needs of your partner? If you are not, do not be surprised if someone else will. It is important that marriage partners sleep together in the same bed. The marriage bed not only provides the children of the next generation, but also the marriage bed is created by God as a release of the sexual energy that can build up as frustration.

 Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the marriage bed be undefiled, for God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterous. Keep your life free from love of money, and be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.” Hebrews 13:4-5 ASV